I know that you are hurting. I am hurting, too.
I feel and feed off your tension, fear and shock. Although I am young and cannot express verbally what is happening in our lives, I am still feeling the impact. My heart is broken every time I have to give up a parent. My sense of security is lost.
Please don't assume I am resilient. Please don't assume that my life will be exactly as it was and that I will continue to feel the same love from both of you. I am a human being just like you. My needs are just like yours. I need love, attention, nurturing, stability, consistency, affection, understanding, patience, and mostly to be wanted.
When you fight over me or put me in the middle of your argument you are sending me the message that winning with each other is more important than my life. I am learning from you that it is better to be right than to be loved. You are teaching me that I came from a person who is unlovable and wrong and that I am somehow wrong, too.
When you confide your hurt in my heart you are storing up adult pain and robbing me of my childhood. You are taking away my belief that love is unconditional and replacing it with a message that tells me to become hard and not to love because I will get hurt and not be able to recover. You may not understand this today and I am so small you are not thinking about my future, but you are putting me at a greater risk of getting a divorce myself.
At times you are risking my safety to fill a void in your heart. My safety is your job.
Without you and your protection I am unshielded from the world. This will manifest in irrational fears for me because I will stay in a state of fight or flight for most of my life.
Someday this initial shock will wear off, but how you choose to parent me through this crisis will never wear off. I will either feel your sense of selflessness, support, protection or I will have a scar on my heart with a message that reads, "Good things happen to good people...I must be bad."
Thoughtfully,
the child of divorce
9 comments:
hi there!
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This says everything I've felt for the past 8 years.
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I am always wondering if my parents ever read this text or watched your video on YouTube. Sometimes I fell like they should hear all of this, should listen to somebody telling them not to assume that their child is resiliant. What I want to say is, that your letter is wonderful and makes children ofder divorce fell understood and not lonely for a littleauch moment. Thank you!
A great post!
Such a touching letter. Each parent should definitely read it before making any serious decisions. We should remember that divorce is not victim-less in any case. When there are children involved, they pay the highest price for marital dissolution.
Lassen Sie mich diese Gelegenheit nutzen, um Ihnen, Doktor Obodo, zu danken. Ich bin so glücklich, dass mein Mann, der mich drei Jahre lang gelassen hatte, kürzlich zurückgekommen ist, nachdem Sie alle schlechten Zauber beseitigt haben, die unsere Ehe beeinflusst haben. Wir sind jetzt wieder glücklich verheiratet. Ich empfehle Doktor Obodo jedem, der Probleme mit der Ehe hat. Hier ist Info (WhatsApp +2348155425481, Templeofanswer@hotmail.co.uk)
My husband and I have been separated coming close to 6 months. Initially I thought yeah I’ll be free but God revealed to me that it was his plan to move on with my best friend and which my best friend has already told me that she will destroy my home when we had little misunderstanding. I asked about reconciling but my husband says he is way better off without us (son 2 years). I was so trusting God for a miracle and hopefully a friend of mine back then in college came to visit me although Emma my friend hails from west Africa so she told me about Dr Itua Voodoo priest who has strong powerful in reconciling broken marriage so I decided to give a try so helpfully Dr Itua help me with love spell and he promised that after the whole process that my husband will call me to reconcile with me, I was very sure of it because I well knew about Africa with voodoo powers, On Sunday morning after coming back from church with my son Carl. I got a call from him apologizing to me and he came back home to me and now we are happy together as a married couple.I thank Dr Itua voodoo priest who save my marriage with his love spell.… please uphold this message testimony and don't give up if you are going through the same problem also be strong in prayer as well.
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