Book Review by Lia Constanda

“It’s not the end of the world”

 by Judy Blume

 Reviewed by Lia Constanda

Judy Blume, the writer, has written many successful books for different age groups. Her books identify the concerns of young children and teenagers in relation to a variety of issues, such as Religion, Coming of age, Overweight, Physical disability, Siblings, Racial prejudice, Divorce, Death & Alcoholism and other related matters. She deals with these topics in a sensitive and empathetic manner. She has been commended for her honesty, warmth and wit, her keen observations of childhood and her books’ appeal to the children.

Her style is pleasant and easily readable. Some reviewers consider that the problems of her characters are sometimes left unresolved; others think that it is to her credit that some problems are left for the reader to solve.

The book “Is not the end of the world” provides light reading and is most enjoyable. It has an optimistic tone and is appropriate for any young child and teenager. At the same time deals with the range of concerns of 3 children from a family, whose parents are in process of starting a divorce.

The central character, Karen Newman, a twelve year old girl, can’t believe it when the father moves out of the family home following repeated and frequent arguments with the mother. Initially, the arguments appear to be over trivial matters.  The bottom line is however that the parents no longer like each other and the only way to resolve their differences is to go their separate ways. Karen is the middle of the 3 children but she is the most mature and very quickly assumes a responsible role. She deals with the upset caused to her younger sister by the parents’ separation and with the trying teenage behavior of her older brother.

The mother returns to school to complete her education. In a way, the divorce liberates her. She learns how to stand on her own feet, trust her abilities and value herself.

The book focuses on the children’s concerns about not having both parents under the same roof, about financial issues such as will they be able to continue living in the same home with their father gone, will their mother be able to provide for them, how will the other children at school react when they will find out, and most importantly will they be able to bring their parents back together. Karen is trying to bring the parents to talk to each other face to face. She thinks of a plan which in the end does not work. The parents refuse to consider any prospect of reconciliation.

When all is said and done, the children accept the situation and move on with their life. They adapt themselves to their new circumstances and accept that their parents divorce is final but that really that “is not the end of the world”.

Blended Love Newsletter

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Book Review by Lia Constanda

Tis' the season to invest in books for children of divorce!

Book:  The Day My Mother Left  (yes, a divorce fiction book for young teens)

by James Prosek

The writer has published several books for children, focusing primarily on his passion for fishing and nature. James Prosek is also a painter and the above book incorporates in the main character’s traits the writer’s major interests namely, painting, drawing and fishing. The book is ecologically instructive and awakens an interest in nature and what it can offer a child with strong emotional needs caused by his parents’ divorce.

It is a deeply felt story of young boy called Jeremy who at the age of 9 had to cope with abandonment by his mother, his father’s depression, his older sister distancing herself from the remaining family unit, lack of contact with his mother for 3 years, the discovery that mother is emotionally unstable, and the death of a much loved uncle with whom he had a strong bond.

Jeremy suffered enormously when his mother left the family for another man. He dreamt about her at night and thought about her constantly. Little things reminded him of her:”It was June, and the daffodils I’d helped my mom plant last fall were flowering. Was she planning to stay to see them flower? Songs she used to sing came into my head. I could hear her voice singing as if she were in the room with me.” The mother took with her his work, the “Book of birds”, his most treasured possession. He wandered how she could take his work and abandon him?! He threw himself into re-creating the “Book of birds”, his collection of drawings.

His emotional journey is heart wrenching. His healing is significantly aided by his love for nature, drawing and painting. The support from friends and extended family is invaluable.

The father also suffered a great deal of pain when the mother left. The father/son relationship is strained due to the damage the mother’s abandonment caused to both of them.  This reality is an important dimension to the story.

Jeremy’s life moves on. Father has remarried. Jeremy has new interests. He is more settled. Things are calm. Then, out of the blue, after 3 years, he sees his mother at the school playing fields holding by hand a young girl. She seems not to recognize him.

Eventually, the mother contacts Jeremy by telephone. He learns that the mother lived nearby all these years and that she could have kept in touch with him if she wanted to. He remonstrates with her but she has no credible explanation for her failure to keep in contact. Later, the mother attempts suicide because she is concerned that the man for whom she left her family may be on the point of leaving her. She becomes a liability. She is diagnosed borderline personality. She turns to Jeremy and his sister for love and support. He is only 12!

In the end Jeremy is reconciled about his mother. After discovering that she is unstable, he describes his relationship with her as “standing on two distant mountains with a bottomless canyon between us…. There was no way of crossing the canyon, but at times the clouds cleared…”

The book makes for lovely reading. It is a story of hope and resilience and how a boy can navigate through difficulties by remembering what is good in life. It addresses many important issues in relation to children of divorced parents and it is a useful tool for any child in similar circumstances. It is also good reading for the parents.

Evil in Our Midst

This past week I read a book by Sharon Doty titled Evil in Our Midst.  As a sexual abuse survivor I assumed I was fully equipped through experience to protect my own child from sexual predators, boy was I wrong.
Sharon points out our approach as a society addressing the prevention of sexual abuse is really not prevention at all.  The current trend places a great amount of pressure on children to be responsible for the verbal and non-verbal actions to stop an abuser. But after numerous interviews with abusers and countless hours of research, she has found that educated adults can have the tools necessary to prevent children from even being given this burden.
Yes, Sharon, identifies the culture and means by which an abuser takes liberties to abuse.
Her approach to educated us, the parents and community, to recognize potential predators and recognize our part in creating an environment conducive to abuse is a light amidst a very dark and dangerous culture.
I would strongly recommend this book to anyone interested in being part of a global solution to ending sexual abuse for our children.
Thank you, Sharon, for the enlightenment.

Chili On the Square

If you are in Tulsa, OK this Friday...

Speak

 “Women have sat indoors all these millions of years, so that by this time, the very walls are permeated by their creative force, which has, indeed so overcharged the capacity of bricks and mortar that it must needs harness itself to pens and brushes

and business and politics.”

The young, silent girl sat in her yellow walled bedroom.  The ruffled valance coordinating with the dust ruffle and matching pillow shams, so beautifully dainty is her appearance.  An onlooker would assume the smile on her face would reflect a perfect middle-class life where struggles and angst are a million thoughts away.

As she gazes out her window to the immediate front yard, neighborhood kids ride their bikes, and tree trimmers creating a more manicured perfection, her thoughts are far from this shallow world.

She meditates on her inner voice.  Her voice that speaks loudly with passion and conviction, the words of reality, what is and can be.  She no longer is tricked by her beautiful cage representing America’s middle-class family.

Her world is a lie. 

What penetrates the walls? Truth penetrates all walls.

The truth is she has fought for safety since she can remember. 

As she now sits on her bed, the truth is she is on her third dad, has already been molested by at least two different men, held down and forced to watch pornography and has hidden under a mattress in a crack house to protect her own life.

She is unimpressed with the American dream and the men who proclaim it.

Her heart and experiences create a resiliency that can only be found through surviving. 

Each breath that she takes she dreams.  She dreams of shattering her world and reconciling her experiences.  She dreams of forgiveness and understanding.  She dreams of peace and wrapping it to give away to her friends.  She knows she is not alone.  She knows she has been given a mission, a mission that can only be fulfilled through the pain she has endured.

Unconstrained passion flows through her veins.  She knows she is an enigma. 

Her pencil lead breaks on the pages of her journal as she fervently writes her creative perception of her life’s events and their meaning. 

Unmoved by the childhood of others outside her window, she is an old soul clothed in the likeness of others, but incredibly different.

In today’s world she would be considered a global thinker, or a maverick, but in her world she is destined to speak for herself and others, fearlessly.

Millions of years of silence for being born a female have passed and it is up to us who have experienced the adversity of our female race to rise up and speak for ourselves and our little girls.

Painted walls and beautiful things cannot silence our message.  We are capable of inspiring, thriving, and changing a national perception, we are women.  Our beauty defined by strength, our strength defined by goodness.  We are American women.

Revelation to Action

"There can be no keener revelation of a society's soul than the way in which it treats its children."
Nelson Mandela

What does America value?  More concrete - what do you value?
Do we recognize the human experience called, "childhood" and deem it a valuable foundation to a life well-lived or do we simply excuse it and claim we have all been naive once?
My hope is the first thought, but our times are revealing a much more dismal view of today's child.
Please, I urge you, consider stepping back and assessing the care and concern for children in our society today and the value, you, personally would place on children being equipped to handle adversity and change.  Give it a dollar amount.  How much is it worth?
Now, ask yourself if, you, personally have contributed toward any organization in the past year that is dedicated to helping human beings in their greatest hour of need, their childhood.
Please consider it.